• CCC Women

The Blue Feather Duster

Updated: Aug 26, 2019

Rebekah Lai

As I was starting to become more interested in Yoga, I bought a BLUE YOGA MAT from an online store and was waiting expectantly for it to arrive. It arrived at my doorstep in a rather slim-looking black packaging. At first glance, I thought it was rather small for a mat but hey, who knows right? The magic of compact packaging could do wonders. I picked it up, held it and realised it was quite firm to the touch! Surely a mat couldn’t be this hard?!

I ripped it open and sure enough it wasn’t my blue yoga mat but a BLUE FEATHER DUSTER. I was so disappointed! The funniest thing was, I couldn’t even get it to work as it should. Not only did I get the wrong product, the product didn’t work! Well, if I were to look on the bright side, at least they got the colour correct. 

The feather duster I didn't ask for (Picture Credit: Rebekah Lai)

Looking back, it was a hilarious memory. However, at the moment when I discovered that I got the wrong product, I was rather upset because I needed it for my Yoga practice. 

Have you ever had a “blue feather duster moment” in your life?  

For the past 2 years, God has been revealing to me the state of my heart through a loss in my life. It was something I didn’t expect to happen and it caused me a lot of pain. I had a big fear of being abandoned, and it felt like my worst fears were coming true, including the fear I am not worth fighting for, and that people who knew me would eventually leave me. I felt anger, sadness and shame. I didn’t understand why God would give me something only for it to be taken away from me. 

However, as I was going through my grief, God didn’t let go of me. He sent many disciples to be my source of comfort, a good voice to listen to and a shoulder to cry on. He spoke to me through the Psalms, and the Holy Spirit helped me to verbalise my wordless groans. 

Up until now, I still feel that I don’t have all the answers, however, because of the incident, my weaknesses and my sinful nature were laid bare before God. My present pain brought up similar times from my past that needed healing.

As much as this loss was painful, it pushed me to a place where I needed God. In the past He was only a welcome addition but not my “all in all”. It also showed me that my main motivation to serve God was to earn His love and favour, when in reality, I already had it through the cross. 

The much dreaded “blue feather duster moment” in my life actually turned out to be my saving grace. I am presently on my journey of healing, and there are many moments when I feel beaten down, but I know that God promised us that He would never leave us nor forsake us. I am learning to change ‘what if this happens’ to ‘even if this happens’. I pray that even if another “blue feather duster moment” comes knocking at my door, I will be secure in my foundation that is built on rock. 

I would like to end off with a verse from Romans 5:3-5

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

Rebekah Lai (EDGE Ministry)

Rebekah was baptised as a teen, and grew up in church together with many good friends. She has an infectious joy that inspires the people around her. She works for HOPE worldwide (Singapore), an IPC status charity that seeks to bring hope and change lives.

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