How Does God Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways!!
Updated: Aug 26, 2019
March 2017 was a faith-testing time, one of the most challenging times in my life. I went to the KK Hospital on the advice of my GP - there was a lump at the lower part of the body, and it was hard and "very big", she said with concern...
To cut a long story short, after ultrasound and tissue test, in consultation with the doctor (he was non-Singaporean, spoke with an accent and has a very long name that I cannot remember), I was told that the cells in my uterus were changing, and the cancer marker showed I was ‘pre-cancerous’. He explained the condition and the course of treatment without blinking an eye, and I felt the lump in my throat getting bigger. I should go for total removal as soon as I can, he advised, and there's no need to worry because it should be a straight-forward operation.
But the indemnity form he asked me to sign did not show that the operation was straight-forward.
He noticed my hesitation and said, “It’s just a formality, shouldn’t be a problem, I will take care of you.”
“Easy for you to say”, I thought to myself…. “You are holding the knife, and I will be unconscious”…
Anyway, sign I did, and before I knew it, I was lying on the operating table. “Please count from 1 to 10, Madam Lee…” I didn’t go past 3 (I think).
One year has come and gone, and thinking back:
I am grateful that the doctor is skilled and did a good job (as I was under government subsidy, I did not choose him; God sent him to me).
I was up and about the second day after my operation; walking, toileting and showering on my own.
Up till now, I have not suffered any side effects, and I healed very well, much better than I could ever imagine.
I was encouraged and felt supported by the sisters throughout the whole journey.
I am totally grateful for what has happened.
Before the operation, I was going about my days doing what most would do: Work, family, ministry… Work, family, ministry… Day after day, it was mostly the same. But these were exactly the things that ‘cut short’ my walk with our Lord. I had insecurities at work, was anxious about my family and aging parents, etc. Self-reliance is my ‘strength’ – I know how to do things, what to say, and how to plan. But I was also discouraged, insecure and burning out. I was doing a lot, but one thing was much-needed — I needed to allow God to make a mark in my heart. God knew that, and He provided me the time and the space to stop, turn, and see Him again.
I prayed and decided that I would want to go back, again, to knowing God, and listen to Him tell me how much He loves me. And I rediscovered that He loves me in many ways:
He tends his flock like a shepherd, He gathers the lambs in his arms, and carries them close to his heart. (Isaiah 40:11)
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. (Jeremiah 33:3)
The Lord your God is with you, he is the mighty warrior who saves you. He will take great delight in you, in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
But whoever knows God is loved by God. (1 Corinthians 8:3)
…The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God,
Slow to anger abounding in love and faithfulness,
Maintaining love to thousands and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.
Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments…
If you pay attention to these laws and are careful to follow them, then the Lord your God will keep his covenant of love with you, as he swore to your ancestors.
These are only a few of the verses that I read during my recovery period. For four weeks I took the time to read and reflect more. I was truly grateful for the time God provided me to recover, both physically and spiritually. Reading these verses and meditating on them gave me much joy as I draw closer to God. I was, again, enjoying my walk with Him.
Life is still much the same, but knowing that I am well loved by God has helped me find peace within – made only possible by God in His ways.
2017 has since came and gone, and this year is our church’s (Central Christian Church) 30th Anniversary. In the midst of all the celebration and thanksgiving, I personally felt a ‘renewal of vows’ in my walk with God, and He has been generous and gracious in his ‘declaration’ of His love for me. Just in the first chapters of Ephesians, I know I can ‘rest easy’ because God showed me:
The incomparable riches of this grace;
His kindness to me;
The gift of God – my salvation;
His handiwork that He created to do good works.
In Him I am:
Brought near to Him through Jesus’s blood;
A new human, at peace and one with Him;
Given access to Him by the Holy Spirit;
A fellow citizen/member of God’s household;
Joined together with God, with Jesus as my cornerstone;
A dwelling in which God lives by His spirit in me.
All things are under Jesus’ feet. He is the head over everything. He is filling me up with everything in every way. He has got me WELL-COVERED!
Ching Eu (EDGE Ministry)
Ching Eu became a disciple in 1989. She is a faithful and committed disciple and has served as a leader of numerous women over more than twenty years. With her zeal and dedication, she is is currently leading a zone together with her husband Stanley in the Edge Ministry.